Truly God is good

(I posted this on my other site on Saturday and failed to copy it over here. It deals with reflections on a temperary state of emotions. For the most part I'm in a less emotionally turbulent time right now, but I think the reflection remains a valid representation of stuff I'm thinking right now. That said, I'm including this post a little late.)

Psalm 73 is one of the most blatently honest pieces of literature about man's dealings with God that I have yet read. Today I wanted to talk honestly to Asaph (who wrote the psalm) about his experience of life when lived in the tension between the fall and redemption.
"As for me, my feet had almost slipped; I had nearly lost my foothold." (Psalm 73:2, NIV)
I woke up this morning dangerously over pensive about myself and most everything else my life intercets with. Had I had the opportunity I would have had a host of cynical and sarcastic things to say about far too many things. I spent the day building disgustingly biting arguements against a number of different people and groups. I very much wanted to find someone to vent to--I know I could have. I also had the feeling that that would be one of the most destructive things I could have done.
"If I'd have given in and talked like this, I would have betrayed your dear children." (v15, The Message)
The problem was not that what I was thinking was untrue exactly. I don't doubt most things are even more messed up than what I can see of them when they are held to the standard of what they should be aside from the fall. The problem was that it wasn't right.
"When I thought how to understand this, it seemed to me a wearisome task" (v16, ESV)
As they mulled themselves over and over I was astonished at how deadly bitter all my thoughts were. It was a wretched experience of how deeply sinful I am. It was beyond my ability to get out of it.
"I was senseless and ignorant; I was a brute beast before you." (v22, NIV)
I am aware that just because something is what I think doesn't mean it's right. I am becoming more aware that knowing what I am thinking isn't right doesn't make me stop thinking it. I am, in fact, sometimes very happy to go on thinking the wrong thing. What is there to do?
"Nevertheless, I am continually with you; you hold my right hand." (v23)
It still takes me by surprise sometimes to think that God is really always with me. Not in the sense of him staying where he is--where everything is right and in order--and still being there when I finally get things right and in order again (somewhere where I still have gotten yet) to welcome me back. He is continually with me and so was still with me in my caustic bitterness.
"My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever." (v26)
My ability to be wrong will probably not decrease much before I die. I really am that untrustworthy. God is good because he loves me still. Jesus described him as the father in the tale of the two sons who loved both the son who squandered his inheritance and the son who cynically scoffed at it. He is good because it was his fatherhood that was the most precious part of their inheritance. This is not only true, but it is more true than anything else. Its true above or beyond or behind other things that sometimes block it from view so it is always true. God is alway good.
"The nearness of God is my good; I have made the Lord GOD my refuge." (v28, NASB)

An imposed structure upon the absense of such

C.S. Lewis wrote somewhere, maybe in Mere Christianity (how's that for good citing) on the topic of loving your enemies. One of the points he made on how we often fail in this was in our eagerness to paint our enemies as bad as they can be painted. It works itself out to be a kind of rejoicing in how bad they are. For example, were someone to tell me one of my enemies (in a very broad sense, of course, including the people I politely interact with but can't stand) who I dislike for the way they acted in one situation were also guilty of sleeping around, I may have no trouble believing it. Of course they are, I always knew I didn't like them, right? It usually seems ridiculous in the extremes, but I'm afraid I carry out the plan subtly every day. It happens to be one of my favorite forms of self justification.
An americano (that's a shot of espresso in a cup of water) is in fact much nicer than a cup of coffee at Cups (the Jackson coffee shop chain). I discovered that today because I was thinking of my former campus minister--who only ever ordered americanos--while I was deciding what to order. It was an unfortunate thing to learn, as it presents the first reasonable temptation to my getting something more expensive than the 98cent cup of coffee every time I go to study.
My classes fell into place this semester so that I basically only have class on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday. It gives a decisive cadence to my weeks that I like. I also very much like the word cadence because when I use it I think of writers like Eugene Peterson or Wendell Berry.
A few weeks ago I saw a rainbow and a sunset simultaneously. It was wonderful, as you can imagine. The very next night it happened again. I suppose I have used up all my allotments for that sort of experience now, and should let others in the world see rainbows and sunsets together.
Its been quite some time since I last wrote a limerick and I have no excuses. If I could I would use the excuse that I don't have internet at my house, but then I would counter my own arguement and say that people wrote limericks long before houses had internet.
I'm approaching the verge of getting to know a cello piece written by Bach. Not being a good musician I don't often get to actually meet real music. I spend more time playing around with notes and meters. I forget that the real music itself is something new altogether. I wonder what other things in life are like that.
This is the seventh of my bullet points and that is not a bad number to end on. It will be a point in your honor. I hope your day brings about a good cup of coffee--if that would be agreeable to you--and I hope you get your fair share of seeing rainbows and sunsets. Thank you for reading.